Pomoc z anglickým textom

pre **FrActraL** 7/6/2010, 19:17

Určite mnohí z vás poznajú videa od Jeffa Dunhama, predovšetkým Achmeda, mŕtveho teroristu. Wink

Angličtina mi ide celkom dobre, budem mať na konci roka 1 a som deviatak.
Len potreboval by som pomoc na ktorú si ja netrúfam.
Z tohto videa by som chcel presne po anglicky napísať presne v poradí čo tam hovoria.
Teda ako keby ste robili anglické titulky.
Hádam sa niekto tak ochotný nájde.
Ďakujem.

pre Peter Leopold 7/6/2010, 20:14

Achmed!

Ok idem na to ...
Malo by to byť dobre... Je to vcelku ľahká anglčtina...
Jeff: Achmed, the dead terrorist.
Jeff: Good evening Achmed.
Achmed: Good evening, infidel.
Jeff: So you´re the terrorist.
Achmed: Yes. I am the terrorist
Jeff: What kind of terrorist?
Achmed: A terrifying .... terrorist.
Achmed: Are you scared?
Jeff: Not, really no.
Achmed: Haaaa. And now?
Jeff: Not, really no.
Achmed: Hohaaaaa. How about now?
Jeff: No.
Achmed: God damn it! Ou, ou i mean the Allah damn it.
Achmed: Silence! I kill you!
Jeff: So, Achmed ...
Achmed: No no, is ACHMED.
Jeff: That´s what i said?
Achmed: No you said Akned, it´s Achmed, ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch.
Achmed: Silence! I kill you!
Jeff: How do you spell it?
Achmed: What?
Jeff: How do you spell your name?
Achmed: Ou, let´s see A ... C .... flemch.
Achmed: Silence! I kill you!
Jeff: So Achmed, if you´re a terrorist i would suppose you have some sort of speciality.
Achmed: Yes, I am the suicide bomber.
Jeff: Ah, so you´re finished.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You´ve done your job.
Achmed: No i haven´t.
Jeff: But you´re dead.
Achmed: No, I´m not.
Achmed: I feel fine.
Jeff: But you are all bones.
Achmed: It´s a flash wound.
Achmed: Silence! I kill you!
Achmed: What the hell happened to my feet?
Achmed: Son of the bitch, what the hell?
Achmed: Oh, wait a minute. What the hell...
Achmed: What are you doing? Stop it!
Achmed: Stop touching me!
Achmed: I kill you!
Jeff: Alright, just hold on, we´ll fix this.
Achmed: Ok, wait! What are you doing? Karate in the air? Wait! Wait! Wait! Something is stuckwards. Holy crap. I need some ligaments.
Jeff: Just sit still.
Achmed: Okay. I will not move my ass.
Walter in the box: You idiot, you don´t have an ass.
Achmed: Is that Walter?
Jeff: Yes.
Achmed: He scares the crap out of me.
Achmed: Please do not put me back in the suitcase.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: He has gas!
Achmed: Saddam´s master gas was nothing compare to a Walter fart.
Walter in the box: Hahahahaha.
Achmed: It´s not funny! He will kill us!
Jeff: Alright, listen Achmed, I have something to tell you.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You really are dead?
Achmed: Are you sure?
Jeff: Yes.
Achmed: I´ve just got my flu shot.
Jeff: You really are dead.
Achmed: Wait! If I´m dead ... Hooo! ... that means I get my 72 virgins!
Achmed: Are you my virgins? I hope not.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: There´s a bunch of ugly ass guys up there.
Achmed: If this is Paradise, I´ve been screwed!
Jeff: What did they say it would be only female virgins?
Achmed: Holy crap!
Achmed: Wait! I could have Clay Aiken.
Achmed: Hahahahahaha. I told a joke.
Jeff: So, listen Achmed, where did you come from?
Achmed: Your freaking suitcase!
Achmed: Hahahaha. I´ve told another one.
Jeff: Look, if you´ve been in my suitcase all this time, how did we get trough security at the airports?
Achmed: Oh, that´s easy. They open the case and I go: "Hello! I am Lindsay Lohan."
Achmed: Hahahaha. I´ve told another joke.
Achmed: I can do this crap, too.
Achmed: Okay, here´s another one: Two jew walking in a bar...
Jeff: No, no!
Achmed: What?
Jeff: No!
Achmed: What? You don´t let jews in your bar? You racist bastard!
Jeff: What I mean is that I don´t want racist jokes in my act.
Achmed: Oh, okay. How about if a kill the jews?
Jeff: No.
Achmed: I´m kidding. I will not kill the jews. No. I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death!
Achmed: Hahahaha. Yes, yes! I did the same thing with two catholic priests, but I tossed in a small boy!
Achmed: Yes, yes! And the winner had to fight Michael Jackson!
Jeff: Achmed!
Achmed: What?
Jeff: Stop doing this!
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You can´t tell jokes like that.
Achmed: Why not? I´m killing ... King.
Jeff: You can´t tell jokes like that.
Achmed: Why?
Jeff: It offends people.
Achmed: Oh, I´m dead, that do I care?
Achmed: What do you want me to do knock knock jokes?
Jeff: That probably would be better.
Achmed: Okay, knock knock!
Jeff: Who´s there?
Achmed: Me, I kill you!
Jeff: So, look, is the suicide bomb that you have training.
Achmed: Of course! We had this suicide bomb training camp.
Jeff: Ah, is that a nice facility?
Achmed: It used to be.
Jeff: What happened?
Achmed: New guy!
Achmed: The idiot type of practice.
Jeff: And what have you guys learnt from that?
Achmed: Location! Location! Location!
Jeff: Do you guys gave any kind motto?
Achmed: Like what?
Jeff: You know like a: We´re looking for few good men.
Achmed: We´re looking for some idiots with no future.
Jeff: So where do you get your recruits?
Achmed: The suicide hotline.
Achmed: Hahahaha. That was dark, was it not?
Jeff: So, what exactly happened to you?
Achmed: Ha?
Jeff: What happened?
Achmed: Oh, if you must know. I am a horrible suicide bomber.
Jeff: What happened?
Achmed: I had a premature detonation.
Achmed: I set the time for 30 minutes and then all went off in 4 seconds.
Achmed: You know what´s that like, right?
Achmed: Mr. Hurricane.
Walter in the box: Hahahaha.
Jeff: So, Achmed, what exactly happened to you?
Achmed: Well, I was getting gasoline and i answered my cell phone.
Achmed: Can you her me no... ch?! At first, I thought it was, because I went over my units.
Jeff: That´s too bad.
Achmed: It´s okay. I took that Verizon bastard with me.
Jeff: So, what´s it like to die? Do you see a white light?
Achmed: If you stay enought to watch the explosion, yes.
Jeff: No, I mean, some people say when they die they see a white light. What did you see?
Achmed: I saw flying car parts.
Jeff: What was the last thing that went through your mind?
Achmed: My ass.
Achmed: Hahahaha. Walter told me to tell that joke.
Jeff: So, you never saw a white light?
Achmed: No, but i saw a blue Prius.
Achmed: Do you really have one of those vehicles? Muehehehe. That is not a car, it´s a lunch box.
Achmed: Did you know when you are going down the highway in a Prius and you put your hand out of the window, the vehicle will turn?
Jeff: You did all this for a bunch of virgins?
Achmed: Are you kiddin´ me?! I would kill you for a clondice bar.
Jeff: So I guess you´re Muslin?
Achmed: I don´t think so.
Jeff: You´re not a moslim.
Achmed: No.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: Look at my ass, it says "Made in China".
Achmed: Walter says I´m just a stinky Halloween decoration. Hahahaha
Jeff: So, do you like being in D.C?
Achmed: I think some idiots must live there.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: For example, the Washington monument.
Jeff: Yes?
Achmed: It looks nothing like the guy.
Achmed: It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton.
Jeff: What do you thing of Bush?
Achmed: Oh, i love b.... Ou, you mean a president! I´m sorry.
Jeff: That´s Achmed, the dead terrorist! Here we go!
Jeff: Thank you!